there is something about sadness that is addictive to me. personal unhappiness cuts the deepest, but i can feed off someone else’s bitterness too. it’s a fine line though between encouraging it and merely observing. i sit there day after day, listening to the sound of their voices (hearts?) breaking and i still can’t get enough of it.

maybe because it makes them more relatable. after all those years of people mocking me for wearing my heart on a shiny red button, it’s almost comforting to know that fragility is a human trait.

and yes, i am disappointed that i relapse so violently every now and then. it’s  funny… i keep thinking that i’ve moved on but then those strings are still there, pulling me back into place.

here’s something to laugh at though. today’s string was unbearable spelling exacerbated by simon & garfunkel. i’m a sucker for a misspelled word.



Anonymous said...

I just want to say, your writing is absolutely beautiful. I don't know you, but I'm sorry for all the sadness you've endured and may be enduring, and I hope you can find happiness in the end.

barleyforbrains said...

this is the nicest thing i've heard in a while. thank you so much!