Meet Me At My Window

come on, you could change me
you could steal me
you could turn all the lights on
and show me the real me
then maybe, if i'm lucky
you'll offer me protection
you could even heal me

jack's mannequin



My birthday's the day after tomorrow, and I'm oddly apprehensive. I want to approach this one with caution, no expectations, no nothing. Maybe this way, any disappointment that is likely to emerge from this mess will be emotionally staved off. Bitter? I've learnt my lesson, is all.

Meanwhile, enjoy my favourite comic strip. Pearls Before Swine. Pig is love. Rat, not so much.


Sign of The Zodiac.

Work has been pretty uneventful, though I am learning an awful lot about things I would never bothered to have figured out on my own. It takes my mind off things, and I like being alone in my comfortable (though extremely freezing) and tiny office. I'm planning to slowly sneak my seaweed rice puffs and strawberry Pocky in, followed by the rest of my happy stash.

There have been quite a number of birthdays (Smiles, PG) in the past week or so, and MM's birthday is tomorrow. Must remember to call her up. I'm so not looking forward to Saturday, when my birthday will arrive. I want to stay this age forever. I used to get so excited when the 25th got closer and closer, but now that I'm going to be moving out of my teenage years, the charm has faded away. Am I being too bitter at a young age? Maybe. Still, I've been trying the positive thinking bit that I blogged about earlier, and it hasn't made any huge differences in my life.

Although the man at the store gave me a discount on my veggie mix because he said he liked my smile. Wonderful!


Freudian Slip

Someone told me that when you're happy and at peace with yourself (and therefore the world), good things will automatically come your way. I am going to start looking at things in a more upbeat manner, though not necessarily through rose tinted glasses. Perhaps my penchant to slip into a depressed state is why things don't seem to be going smoothly these days. I will try putting on a more positive attitude and see if this really works.


The Next Time You Say Forever

I hear the tiniest sparks and the tenderest sounds

Diving music, drowning the sound
Waltzing with the hairs upon my arms
And your fight-or-flight alarm
And you tremble and you stumble
And you scrape up your palms
I can't stay here to hold your hand
I've been away for so long
I've lost my taste for home

Neko Case



This is going to be one of those posts where nothing really substantial is revealed, because the only purpose of me writing this is so that I don't have to see the previous blog entry when I sign in.

So today was one of the most normal days I've had in ages. I slept in, had a very confusing dream that thankfully wasn't a nightmare, and woke up to the smell of peanut pancakes. They looked much better than they tasted, sadly, but it was nice having something worth getting out of bed for.

I've also gotten a job, but I've not told anyone yet. I'm already imagining their looks of disbelief, because I was voted least likely to work during the holidays. Not because I'm lazy or anything (although I am), but the parents aren't too keen on the idea of me gadding around town on my own or being stuck in some gross fast food joint dishing out greasy burgers and cold fries, so I was under no pressure or obligation to get one.

I just felt like having something to do though, other than sitting around the house all day moping and burning pages from my diaries. It'll be a good experience, something I can use to improve my resume, and I'll earn money so the parents cannot complain about my squandering away all of their hard earned savings.

I'm still hungry so I'm probably going to scrounge around in the pantry for a box of crackers and soup or something. I've been dreaming of sushi for a while now, and the other day's trip to the Japanese restaurant with the 11s did not do anything to satisfy my cravings. I need my tamago. Yummm.


Peter And Jane

I am going to be very brief, because dwelling on this subject makes me cry. And I've been crying for the past month, which is so exhausting. I don't want to be sad anymore. This is letting go the only way I know how to.

So this is the end of Us. I have given up trying to understand someone who just won't let me in completely. Yes, I love him. Yes, I will probably always love him. Yes, I will still want him in my life. It is just that the emotional damage he has caused can never go away. I need to be happy, and I think I have exhausted all other options.

There are still so many things I want to tell him, but not right now. Today, I am going to eat strawberry ice cream straight out of the tub, read Trixie Belden until I fall asleep, then throw out everything that I don't need from my room.

July will be the best month. I will move on. I will learn to forget. I will be happy.