28.6.09

In Strange Ways


It would be safe to say that this week has been filled with one misfortune after another. I am trying not to acknowledge any of them, stubbornly sticking to the thought that by ignoring them, they will go away.

Sadly, people remain dead, and people continue to disappoint me. There are two parts of my life that have come to an end with this past week, and I'm still standing at the edge of a cliff, wondering where I go from here.

Though I wasn't a huge fan of Michael Jackson, I thought I should say something because everyone else around me seems to have either hated him or loved him fanatically. I feel as if his loss was a huge blow to the music industry, because of how far he managed to push it by being the star he is. But I also am saddened by the fact that he had to die so misunderstood, under some shady cloud of drugs and scandal. I hope he knew that he was loved, because so many people never ever do. My heart also goes out to Farrah Fawcett and everyone else who we lost, or lost a loved one.

I am trying to put my own problems into perspective now, but I'm constantly failing. This is easy to do when you've got my self-centered attitude. I think I'll just try to forget about them, because I am almost completely sure that resolving them is out of the question.

This has been such a mixed up post. Actually, this has been such a mixed up time, for everyone possibly. I am going to sleep it off, and hopefully wake up with a clearer mind in the morning.

22.6.09

Any Available Surface


Things I have learned in the past week.



1. Throwing up once is not fun. Throwing up three times in a day is really painful.

2. You can get physically sick if you're really angry and sad.

3. Giving up chips was a good idea in the end, cause my throat feels clearer. Hahaha it sounds like chips is some code word for smoking.

4. MKC is surprisingly good at cheering people up, especially when he's talking about his love life. Seriously, have you ever heard anyone describe juggling 8 girls at once without any of them finding out?

5. How I am so so so grateful to MetalBoy for listening to me ramble on and on about my mood swings every single time. I think I'll buy him something nice as thanks. Also, I owe his parents a gift as well, for helping us out during the class trip.

6. That BB has not called any one of us yet. Her phone is switched off. Worrying. I am going to try calling again in the morning.

7. Granola bars are your best friend when you're sick.


Mmm yeah, life lessons at their best. I shall have to remember all of this. I'm super sleepy now though, so I'll read this through some other time.

19.6.09

Left and Leaving

It sunk in.



18.6.09

Pretend


if ever you knew
the thoughts that flew
through my head then
whisper those feelings those
dreams
and we'll hold hands
fingers entwined
mirrored smiles in place
on our faces
as the wind softly blows us a
song


That was then. This is forever.



written two years ago, on the 15th of December 2007

17.6.09

Yellow


written in the middle of april


i bought myself a new Rubix cube
to replace the broken one I keep under my bed
i know i'll never solve it again
but i hold on to it anyway
because once
you peeled away all the coloured squares
and stuck them back for me
so i could win at a game for once
it makes me happy sometimes
knowing that your fingerprints are there


16.6.09

Heart Swells


So prom was amazing, especially when you have the best people surrounding you. Although I wasn't very fond of them while they were trying to take pictures of me dancing like an idiot (to Lady Gaga, no less). And I over-ate, as usual. Still, it was an eight course meal and I loved the vegetarian options they had. I am regretting it today because my tummy is just out there. Hello.

My dress was a bit too short though, and it didn't fit properly in the chest so my bra was showing half of the time. Let this be a lesson to all tall and flat girls out there. I should've bought the dress in L so the length would be ok, but gotten it altered to an S. Sigh, this is what you get for trying to save money and time.

We went out for drinks after dancing, and as usual, everyone hovered over me shouting things like "NO D NO YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY!" and "WHAT IS SHE DRINKING?! HEY, HEY GET THAT AWAY FROM HER!". No one loves me. Seriously, I wasn't allowed to make a phone call in a corner, to run to the washroom or even carry my own bags. They think I'm an idiot that way. Yes, I love them too.

Actually, lots of things happened in the past few weeks that I would love to write about, but I just can't find the right words to describe them. I think it's because they're a matter of feeling, and feelings are something you have to be there to understand, sometimes. Am I making sense? I thought not.

I am extremely happy, yet extremely regretful that I will not be spending as much time as I did with the people who I've come to love so much. I will miss everyone of them. Really. It hasn't truly sunk in yet, but I'm already stacking the Kleenex boxes next to my bed when it does. My loves.



Thank you my love for everything. If we ever go our separate ways, I will always remember how you held my hand and the way you smell after a rainy night. You matter the most.

15.6.09

More Than Gold


for three days, you held me in your arms. i slept on your shoulder. i cried on your bed.

i love you. there are no words to say how much i love you, i am in love with you.


9.6.09

Just Wondering


Freedom! Will post after I'm done with rehearsal week and the class getaway. I'm getting a haircut tomorrow, should I be this nervous?

6.6.09

Alice


my name is d


i like colouring within the lines and making sure my handwriting is as straight as possible
my signature dish is pasta with a mushroom sauce made out of canned soup (the secret is adding two eggs when it's boiling)
i walk three steps behind everyone because i'm busy looking around at everything
i've got the annoying habit of reading at the dinner table
also, i like humming aloud

sometimes my parents wonder if i'm really as flaky as i seem to be (i am)
when i'm talking, my hands fly all over the place
i always wear my watch on my right hand, even though i'm right handed
on nights before exams, i set my alarm so i'll wake exactly four hours after i fall asleep, but i always end up sleeping for eight hours
at any given time, i'll have around three diaries
i don't think i look good in hats

you'd be amazed at the little quirks that people notice about you, and what you come to notice about yourself, as time passes. just a few months ago, one of my lecturers said i was the most eccentric 18 year old he'd ever seen, because of my tendency to laugh at my own doodles. it was a nice way of saying he thought i was weird, but it's alright. i wouldn't be d if i didn't tie and untie my hair a dozen times in an hour.

2.6.09

Things Obvious To Other People


today, i told the boy i love that i hated him. he looked at me with his dark dark eyes, and he watched me for a while. he put his head on my shoulder, and he breathed me in. the boy i love.

today, the boy i love told me he hated me too. he said "well i hate you too" and he said it without conviction. he stood behind a pillar, watching me think of the right words to say. the boy i love.

today, the boy i love threw his arms around me. he told me not to leave, that he needed me to stay. he waited at the top of the stairs for me to come rushing back again. the boy i love.

today, the boy i love cried in front of me. he cried silently, but i knew he was crying. because he loved me. the boy i love.