I Know You Are But What Am I

VY wondered out loud while we were Skype-ing what 'barley for brains' meant, or where I'd even heard it. Well loves, I have no idea really. It's just something left over from a conversation that went something like this.


"... but I don't try to hurt you."
"In fact, I go out of my way to make you happy."

you're lying
you're always lying

"I don't get it, why is it that when we're alone, you act like this?"

i guess it's being with you that makes me this way
it's like i've got barley for brains or something
i'm stupid
i know

"I'm so bad for you."

i know


I told VY this, and he said it made him sad that I was clinging on to a scrap of my previous life this way. That I couldn't make myself forget. And I laughed and pointed out that one year ago does not a previous life make. Besides, it wasn't all grief and tears. I was happy most of the time. I just write about the sad parts so I can shake them off from my thoughts. Then I can sift through the memories that make me laugh.