30.9.08

Pursed

My brother baked cookies, they were really chewy and chocolatey. I had three, and now I'm too full to move from the couch. But I have to go rinse out the faint smell of mothballs from the new old dress I bought on Sunday.

Also, I wrote a letter to BB. This is the second time I've done so, and it was quite long. Four pages, and my writing is small, so I think that's an average of twelve hundred words. My wrist hurts.

I think I will put my letter in an envelope and get a start on the dress. But before that, I am going to sneak another cookie from the jar and blame it on my dog.

29.9.08

The Longer That We're Out Here

broken bottles of molten gold
the labels are torn but we don't care
sip memories slowly catching their
shreds between our teeth
your mouth weaves intricate webs
words laced with nicotine and hope
i breathe in the lies all over again
and exhale them when you're not there

28.9.08

Ancient As The Stars


i found a place
where no one goes
somewhere i could laugh-cry and watch
the sun rise and fall light
streaming across my hair and toes
and sometimes it made me wonder
why does no one else know?

was there no other person
who when wrapped in your arms
would dream of endless laughter and
footprints in fields of clover
all four leaved and gold

had there been no one else
drinking in your words which
transported them to stars too
fiery to touch yet
froze into flawless diamonds at
your words

only one at a time
that's how it's always been
you can't love two people at
the same time in exactly
the same way
so

i found a place
where no one goes
but now that i've left it behind
i can never return
your arms encircle
another
i'm filled with longing
regret and silent dismay
now someone else knows

27.9.08

Leggy Blonde

Ahhh there's a vintage sale today but I'm not sure if I can go! The parents are trying to force me into accompanying them to god knows where, to do god knows what. I'm pretty sure it's going to be boring, because it always is when my parents have some business appointment.

OMG fingers crossed fingers crossed that whatever it is they wanna do is cancelled and someone's going to drive me to the sale.

*Update*

They didn't cancel the appointment but I got a really good breakfast out of it. And we stopped by the sale for a while after we were done and although there wasn't that much good stuff left, I got three dresses. They weren't as cheap as I would've liked them to be. Oh oh and this straw tote that I think I will be using quite a lot. Happy day happy day!

26.9.08

Fanfare

The price of everything has either gone up or gone down, depending on my penchant for it. If I like something, it's somehow become more expensive, and if I'm not into it, it's cheaper now. Yeah, life's good at screwing around with me like that.

I finally got my grades today. They were much better than I expected (yeah even Chemistry), so I guess I should reward myself. Hahaha that was a joke, by the way. I do enough of self rewarding as it is. The proof is in the closets and bookshelves. I am one of those people who cannot seem to control their spending habits, but not by too much. I buy secondhand when I can, books and clothes. I love vintage, so it's not that big a sacrifice. Although I do splurge on the little things now and then. Usually bags and shoes, because I haven't really found any that I like for cheap.

It's quite wonderful to have so many nice things in my life right now. Sometimes I take all my dresses down and try them on again and again, because I just feel like it. I like pretty things. Yes, I'm superficial like that. Still, I don't care. It makes me happy, and that's all that really truly matters.

25.9.08

Take A Picture


it was a mistake
that words cannot describe
my apologies are insufficient
would you understand if i explained?
because i'm trying as hard as i can

we speak the wrong things sometimes
our traitorous tongues
but let me be the first to say
i will change
so you can forgive

24.9.08

Something To Do With My Hands


you're so close
my fingers just brush
the edge
of your shoulders

carry me away
from the bright lights and
where the floor is cold

won't you please take me home
again

23.9.08

Always Move Fast

Am a bit upset at being asked why I'm still hanging out with J, even though he has a girlfriend. Well, he was my friend first. And we're not involved romantically, so what is the reason for all this negativity? It's bad enough you accuse him of trying to cheat on his girlfriend, but please don't drag me into this. I would never get involved with someone who's already in a relationship. I know what it's like to be hurt that way.

Yes, I wish you wouldn't judge us like that. It makes me wonder what else you've been telling people. Yeah sure we hang out together sometimes, partner up for a few things and do lots of random stuff but that's what friends do. And we've got almost the same interests and classes so it fits us best this way.

So umm, just drop it. Your desperation doesn't fool anyone.

21.9.08

Undeclared

isn't it funny that
once upon a time
i could look at you forever
and find something new to
fall in love with
every single moment

now i mutter excuses and
whisper reasons to
avert my eyes
and you just stand there

we're both two sides
of a coin spinning in
mid air waiting for each
other to land
face down


20.9.08

Smile, You've Won


you're the cliche
the too good to be true
because you are
the crayoned in gold
in a rainbow of days
the sole shiny square
on monotonous calendars

i catch falling leaves
the ocean drinks my wishes
on sky blue scraps
in empty bottles of wine

the mirror is smudged
with tears and notes to
find that four leaf clover
hold your breath in tunnels
for unless i keep wishing
hoping dreaming pleading
you're not mine to want
so you'll fade away

19.9.08

Feather Weight

I've got a dilemma here. Do I stay home and study so I have a fair chance of passing my exams or should I go out window-shopping with the parents and maybe get the chance to buy a few things I like?

Decisions, decisions.

Oh and someone asked me if I'm a pessimistic person and why? Umm yeah I guess I am. It's probably because it's really fun to expect the worst but have something good happen instead! Ok maybe it's actually because that's the way I've always been. Can't help it, sorry.

Ok problem solved, I just told myself firmly that I've shopped enough[!] and needed to study. Hahahaha yeah now that they're gone I'm still chatting online and checking out clothes. Good choice D.

So I guess I'm going to go eat golden raisins (I hate the regular black ones) and frown at my Chemistry notes. They say the raisins help aid in brain productivity and efficiency. If they work, I'm getting a thousand boxes.

On second thought, there's this bag of Maltesers in the the pantry so I'm probably sticking with that instead. =P

18.9.08

Breaking Skin


it's that cliche all over again
the one where you say
sometimes people put up walls
not to keep others out but
to see who cares enough to
break them down

well these walls have been up
for as long as i can remember
but you're still standing on the
outside looking in with your
face etched with pity
this is not what i wanted

this is not how it's supposed to be
you and your stupid cliches


17.9.08

Digging Shallow Reefs



I love the dinosaur comics. Because they're 'sexy exciting dinosaur comics for the thinking man or lady' uh huh. Woo!

Tagged by NN =( Just this once yeah?

♥ If you could spend a dollar in 5 minutes, what would you spend on?
. seriously, what can you buy for a dollar these days? that's worth it, i mean. okay maybe a drink.

♥ What is your most favorite thing to do?
. shop. is this really a question you need to ask, NN? i thought you've been my friend long enough to know this.

♥ What kind of news do you read?
. umm national and global events. i don't really like the sports or the business section. sometimes i read the obituaries (morbid!) and i like it when the family consists of different ethnic backgrounds. oh wait, that's not really considered news, is it?

♥ What would you give up in return to eat all you want in the world and not get fat?
. my ability to whistle! and my bendy fingers. all those twitches i make sometimes when i'm half asleep. yeah.

♥ Is there someone in your heart right now?
. hmm not really, maybe cause i'm too busy thinking about what to wear to college. superficial? i beg to differ.

♥ Do you believe you can survive without money?
. what kind of life would that be?

♥ What are you afraid to lose the most?
. everything i love most. yeah that would include normal stuff like the family, money, friends, money, my clothes, all my stuff, my sanity, my brains, money.

♥ What do you feel like doing right now?
. shopping. seriously, the urge to shop has become overpowering since the mocks ended. it's like my brain needs to be replenished by the sight of new clothes and shoes. but the parents have put me on a shopping ban. dunn dunn dunn!

♥ If there's someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
. well usually i wait until they tell me first. then the feeling goes away wahahaha ok no, i don't know how to answer this.

♥ List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
. NN? optimistic, predictable, athletic (omg seriously she could pin me down with one finger). but predictable isn't always a good point (it is to me because i can get her a birthday present easily) so i'm going to pick diligent. cause she's super hardworking and dedicated and blablabla all the things that i'm not.

♥ What are the requirements that you seek from your other half?
. i've got a list!

♥ What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
. being unfaithful, untrustworthy and ignorant, to name a few.

♥ If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
. ahhhh how do i decide? umm noodles or sushi. or chips. or sandwiches. omg impossible to choose please don't make me choose!

♥ If you had a choice to be rich or happy,which one would you pick?
. ok this is so stupid but being rich would make me happy so i pick being rich!

♥ If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
. my tendency to procrastinate in every single thing. but then again, this has helped reveal a hidden skill - working fantastically well under pressure.

♥ Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
. a scattered few. like if i've got problems with relationships, then it's my best friend. if it's with serious things like studies and personal stuff then my mom or brother.

♥ How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
. i'll be 28. crap that's like almost 30. i'll probably still be really materialistic and awkward.

♥ What is the one thing you love about yourself?
. my eyelashes.

♥ If you can bring only one thing along with you to another world, what would it be?
. my home. which contains my family and my stuff so haha...

Yes, I'm done!

*updated*

Apparently there were two parts. Yeah, you don't have to read any of this. Go watch TV or something.

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.


Starting time : 2:30 p.m.


Name : D (Driae)
Sisters : 0
Brothers : 1
Shoe size : UK 5
Height : 174 cm
Where do you live : In a tiny apartment


Have you ever(s):

-Been on a plane : Yeah.

-Swam in the ocean : Yeah, but I hated it. Actually I didn't actually swim. Everyone took a turn at giving me piggyback rides.

-Fallen asleep at school : Sigh, this is one of my talents.

-Broken someone's heart : Hmm yeah but it wasn't on purpose.

-Fell off your chair : OMG There was this one time when I was laughing at my own joke and I fell off my chair. And I was sitting like two feet off the ground! It was really slo-mo and everything, so everyone who saw it thought I was faking.

-Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : No. Who does that?

-Saved e-mails : Mmhmm my inbox is full of rubbish cause I never delete anything.

-What is your room like : Homey.

-What's right beside you : This empty plate.

-What is the last thing you ate : Pizza, which explains the plate.


Ever had(s):

Chicken pox : Yeah. I hated it, cause I wanted to scratch myself so badly, but my mom was always watching.

Sore throat : This has been the year of the sore throat.

Stitches : My chin! It split open after my brother decided to trip me, and it hit the edge of a table.

Broken nose : No.


Do you(s):

Believe in love at first sight : Sigh, if only. Well actually it happened with my parents but they tend to embellish their stories so I don't know.

Like picnics : Yeah! But I don't like the smell of grass, so I prefer it on the beach. Actually no, because it's really hot then. Indoor picnic?

Who was/were the last person(s):

You danced with : My brother. Some victory dance after we'd completed this seemingly impossible level on a game.

Last made you smile : The pizza delivery guy hahahaha NO. Umm I think it was me hahaha seriously I was doing something really stupid and I amused myself.

You last yelled at : My dog. She ate half of my pizza slice before I managed to stop her. And of course I gave her the other half cause it was all slobbery and slimy. Gross.


Today did you:

Talk to someone you like : I talk to people I like everyday!

Kissed anyone : Yep.

Get sick : No.

Talk to an ex : Haha no.

Miss someone : Yeah, kinda.

Who do you really hate: There's this one guy... yeah.

What's the time where you are: 2:37 p.m.


Random:


Is there a person who is on your mind now?
I'm on my own mind. Still thinking about what to wear.

Do you want children?
I don't know, haven't thought about it.

Do you smile often?
Hmm I'd say I laugh tons more, it's a bit weird for me to just smile when I'm happy.

Do you like your hand-writing?
Quite. I just wish it was bigger, cause it kinda peters out every single time I try enlarging my letters.

Are your toe nails painted?
No.

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in?
The one in BB's apartment, cause I crashed immediately. Magic. I was so out of it that the guys had to throw me onto the couch to get me up. Although that may have had to do with the fact that we were up until 4 in the morning and spent the previous day running around like idiots.

What color shirt are you wearing now?
This really happy blue.

What were you doing at 7.00p.m yesterday?
Having dinner with the family.

When did you cry last?
A week ago, I think.

Are you a friendly person?
I think so.

Do you have any pets?
I'd like to say yes, but I think we're the pets and my dog's the real master.

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
Don't know, don't care.

Do you hold hands with the person who means something to you now?
Umm yeah, sometimes.

Do you sleep with the TV on?
Very seldom. My parents are a bit preachy about saving electricity.

What are you doing right now?
This survey durrr and I'm trying to beat the clock cause I have to shower and get ready to pick my brother up from school.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Not that I can remember. Perhaps when I was younger.

Can you handle the truth?
Aha, but what kind? Well usually I can. Unless it's a bit, you know... then I think not. Cryptic...

Are you closer to your mother or father?
The mother.

Do you eat healthy?
Whooo actually yeah I do, despite wanting to snack on junk all the time. The urge wears off, I grab some fruit, and when I'm full it starts all over again.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
My mom.

How many people can you say you've really loved?
It's not loved when you still love them. So I guess none.

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?
I don't take pictures.

If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?
My iPod.

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?
Loads of times.

Are you loud or quiet most of the time?
Whoo who am I with most of the time? God, sometimes people say I'm a party all by myself and sometimes it's like I'm not even there. Yeah, I guess it depends on the people around me.

Are you confident?
In what?


5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
- Wearing ribbons in my hair.
- Enjoying cartoons like Speed Racer and Scooby Doo. Old school.
- Shopping less. This is a weird revelation, but I realize now that I was once not materialistic at all.
- Eating meat. I'm quite certain of this, cause I used to live on seafood and chicken drumsticks. Gross. Going vegetarian = one of my best decisions.
- Being worry free!


5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
- Shop.
- Study what I wanted to.
- Invest and get more money!
- Spend it on my family.
- Donate some to charity (pet shelters yada yada)

5 Snacks I enjoy
- chips
- sandwiches
- sushi
- noodles
- anything with potatoes, cheese, seaweed, wasabi and flour sighhh

5 things on my to-do list today
- study
- go for a run
- organize my closet
- hide the Nintendo DS
- sleep early


5 of my bad habits:
- Whoa only 5? Ok I'm lazy.
- Stubborn.
- I never learn from mistakes until I've made them like, a thousand times.
- I'm bad at time management. OMG ten more minutes to go!
- Umm I'm fickle. Yeah, cause I can never decide.


5 places I have lived in:
- Tiny apartment units.
- Our old bungalow.
- BB's home.
- Whichever shopping center I liked at a certain time.
- Here.

I tag:
Whatever, I have to go!

Now seriously, regarding surveys and all, I hate doing them. But I like reading them (when the people answering them are interesting). Still, no more no more!

Also, I am addicted to Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin. Curse my brother for keeping the Nintendo DS in plain sight. And curse me for my perfectionist tendencies which force me to keep playing until I reach level 99. 31 more levels to go!

16.9.08

Nutshell

My friends are priceless.

I'm D, just so we're clear.

...

Friend: ... so I thought why not kill a bird and go to the shop so I can see him and get a book at the same time?
D: *blank pause* omg you mean kill two birds with one stone hahahahahahahahahaha!

...

during a Moral education presentation

Friend: *to teacher and audience* ... and he used to be really really handsome when he was younger! *gestures to screen* See!

-silence-

Friend: *whispers to me* Shit, Miss IE looks pissed.
D: *whispers back* well she's homophobic and you're a guy who just gushed over another male.
Friend: But it's true! I mean look at him!

...

Would you believe friend 1's a guy?

Friend 1: My. Hair. Is. Ruined.
Friend 2: OMGWTF what happened?!
Friend 1: Well she hacked off my fringe and I had to go fix it.
Friend 2: Who? The hairdresser?
Friend 1: No, my grandma.
Everyone else: Hahahahahahaha!
Friend 3: Seriously?! You let your granny cut your hair?!
Friend 1: Yeah, cause I thought she'd know how to trim bangs for sure.
Friend 2: WTF why would you think something like that?
Friend 1: Cause she's old and I thought old people knew these things. It's supposed to be something you learn as you grow older.

...

Seriously, I can feel my brain cells dying each day.

13.9.08

August Is Over


Today was a good day because mocks finally ended and the mother got me this sequined cardigan. Seriously, it is the best damn thing because it's a) gold, b) just a wee bit baggy so I can wear it without looking like a stripper and c) omg it's shiny is there a better reason than that?!

Then I went thrifting and got some dresses and cardigans because they were on markdown. And I'm not quite sure about the length of a few of them, they seem slightly too long. I thought about cutting off a few inches but the mother said I was picky and should have a few pieces that don't end above my knees. Umm ok, no alterations then.

There was this old issue of Nylon in the store which was down to an eighth of its price so I decided to buy it. I'm saving it to look through after I finish a little bit of work. Temptation temptation but I really have to study.

I think a little peek won't hurt... the pretty pictures will give me inspiration. Right right? Right!

Now I am off to eat goldfish crackers and try out a few sums from my Math homework. I think I may have lost my calculator, but I hope that the boys have once again borrowed it without remembering to give it back.

8.9.08

Lies Imbricated Finely


i opened my eyes just in time
to catch
the twist of your mouth
wondering and sighing
moulded to mine

i could hear your thoughts
see them floating
past our heads
diaphanous yet i felt
if i reached out
i could hold in my hand
your words of love
like how you held me
with them

do you remember cold evenings
our fingers on the piano
yours on mine
the wrong keys for the right song
and every breath was a note
listen carefully you said
love is music and
music is love

well the evenings
are colder these days
the piano casts a penumbra
in which i lie silently
you were two halves like always
whispering right and wrong
for love isn't music
right now
but music is
love

6.9.08

People Are So Fickle


I thought it was time for a change. The pink and purple were a little too sweet and nice for my liking. Yes, I know I chose them because of those two reasons in the first place, but my taste in colours seems to have changed drastically in a really short while. Hee. Yeah, it might be my subconscious telling me to stop being such a girly girl and toughen up a bit. And I felt like the title needed a change too, cause it's really umm... not me anymore?

But I'm feeling much better because the mother has been buying me clothes out of her own money, so I don't have to use mine. I think she pities me for being so stressed out over exams. I am not ashamed to admit that I struggle loads in the Science stream, since I don't have a brain geared for logic and the like. Not that I'm an artsy person, no. It's just that I hate science. There, I said it. And it's the worst thing to be doing something that you hate just because your parents want you to be a doctor or a pharmacist. =C

And I've got this sinking feeling that I'm going to end up dropping out and doing something at a liberal arts college instead, because that's more me. But that would mean that I've wasted a whole year and money (the scholarship doesn't cover extra costs so I had to pay around a thousand for that).

Happy thoughts happy thoughts!

I'm actually staring unhappily at my Chemistry textbook (omg the textbooks cost money too!) wondering why this reaction needs to be carried out in alcoholic conditions, even though we were just discussing this in class two days ago. I feel so stupid, so stupid you can't even begin to imagine it. I've never felt this stupid and untalented in my life. I'm not trying to brag, but usually, all I have to do to get A's is to go over something a few times, and I'll understand like 80 to 85% of it. But now, despite my best efforts, I can read the same page ten times and not remember one single goddamn thing.

I guess I'm just not good enough anymore. Time to go back to the books and try even harder now.

2.9.08

Damask


the epiphany of discovering
you're not who i wished for
on dandelions and falling leaves
and eyelashes dipped in tears

and i keep asking myself
what am i waiting for?