Wasted Early Thursday Morning


Whee! Exams are over (for this week only) and I'm failing everything!

Well to be honest, I don't think Physics was that bad, unlike N who pranced about screaming about how she was going to die! But then again, I have notoriously bad luck, so I might just flunk that paper too. Hahaha might. More like will.


J is a bitch. No seriously, there is no one more bitchier than her when it comes to acting like a dumb fat ass with a huge mouth. Know the book, Big Mouth and Ugly Girl? Well yeah, J's the inspiration for the title. Except it was supposed to be Big Fat Mouth and Butt Ugly Girl. The author just realized that she might sue for copyright issues and what not. Hahaha. Yes, I hate her. I also hate myself for caring so much when she talks crap about me behind my back. Sigh. Teenagers.



Yes, I'm nuts. Hey, I think I should type out one piece of conversation for every blog entry because they're funny! Actually, it's just because I can. :)

Hey our names (well, initials actually) rhyme!
Moving on.

Oh my freaking monkey this class is so boring.
Yeah, but that's the whole point of school right?
Lalalalala I'm bored! Entertain me!
P, can you entertain D before she loses it?
I know! I'll tell you guys stories! How about fairy tales?!
Like what? Cinderella? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?
I think we've all watched the Disney flicks, D.
Stupid stupid Disney. Why do they make everything so sugary and happy? There should be different versions of fairy tales.
I don't know... Maybe like The Little Mermaid or something.
Like, the Little Mermaid is about this mermaid who can't really swim and all. And blah blah blah she's tone deaf, see? So when she goes to exchange her voice with the Sea Witch, it kinda backfires. Instead of beautiful legs, she gets crippled ones. Because her voice wasn't beautiful at all. Because when you're tone deaf, you can't tell a note from another or something like that. Am I right, guys?
.... *muffling laughter with hand*
What about another story?
Oh, like Cinderella. *starts miming out the story* Imagine if instead of mice, she was helped by rats. And one of them bit her, and she got rabies. So she went to the ball foaming at the mouth! No one wanted to dance with her and she danced alone. Then, when the clock struck midnight, she dashed out the door. The prince followed her to make sure she was gone. Then he saw her glass slipper. So he shouted, " Wait! Come back! Take this with you!" And then he flung the slipper at her. The End!
*this is where N and P laughed until they cried, and then proceeded to get death stares from the teacher*
God D, you really are crazy.
Yeah, haha. My stomach hurts from laughing.
Really? Good, cause that means you're ready for another one. Okay, like what if Snow White...
N, this is all your fault for encouraging her.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?

I love my friends, because they think I'm funny. And weird. I know most of you reading this would be like "... what is she talking about?" but not them. They get what I'm trying to say. Which is, according to most, really hard to do sometimes. Mostly because I talk really fast and incoherently when I'm excited. And bored.



Must stop doing that. Control yourself, D.

So here are some lyrics instead.

I think about long distance rates
Instead of kissing you babe
I'm a singer without a song
If I wait for you longer
My affection is stronger
I was just thinking
Merely thinking
This boat is sinking

Very dreamy, I think. Could the world get any sleepier than it is right now? Maybe if I were to dose my brother's hot chocolate.

Mimimimimimi that sounds like I'm calling my cat except for the fact that I have a dog instead but I think I might like a cat too. You know I'm sleepy when I start typing like this.

But it's already morning! Time to study...


P.S. Have you noticed how obsessed I am with umbrellas? I'd like a really pretty one of my own, just because I'm like that.


I Am A Wandering Star

This week has been totally random and full of crappy and happy moments.

While I was grocery shopping today, some random woman came up to me, pointed to the stuff in my hand and said: " Excuse me but where did you get that?!" I was seriously confused, cause all I was holding were a packet of chocolate raspberry(?) cookies and some cereal bars. Then she jabbed my shopping list. I got it. She wanted to know where I'd bought my 'to do list' note pad, with lines to fill in with check-boxes next to them. You get the idea.

Told her I'd gotten it in a bookstore somewhere in the city, where to find it and all. Took her a while to understand everything, but in the end she asked for a sheet of the note pad and thanked me. I immediately scurried off. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to have people ask me things when I'm being my usual greedy self in the chips and cookies sections.

Grabbed a tub of guava passion-fruit mango cream something something ice cream from the freezer as we walked by. I'm planning to comfort myself during the exam weeks by burying my head in frozen treats. :D Lovely lovely icy cold heaven. Plus, I'm also getting ready to make angel food cake. Bliss, nono?

The wireless connection here is the worst! Keep having to go out into the hallway and fiddle with the modem switch. Horrible when it's dark outside.

On a completely unrelated note (isn't it always?), why is everyone getting married nowadays? Well, the bloggers whose blogs I'm always reading, that is. Molly and Brandon from Orangette. Shauna and the Chef from Gluten Free Girl. Agathe and her fiancee (now husband) from Style Bytes. Seriously, why is everyone getting married?! It is rather sweet though, and I was genuinely happy for all of them because they all look so in love and deliriously joyful. Can you spell S-A-D?! I need to get a life, I know. But don't you think it's adorable when two people who have a special connection decide to get hitched? It's a big decision, and the weddings are usually lovely. And in two of the cases above, the food as well.

Kinda makes you wanna get married, doesn't it?

Hahaha I know of at least ten people who are going to get a heart-attack when they read this. Sorry loves.

Anyways, I am annoying myself completely by refusing to study for Chemistry. I know, it's wrong not to. But I have no will power at all, and the computer is calling my name every five seconds. So what was I supposed to do? Glue my eyes back to the stupid stoichiometry calculations in front of me? Flip through a whole bunch of experiments? No way, Jose. My brain will not tolerate this.

So I'm here, surfing the web while typing out this post. Lalalalala who's a good failure? Who is? You, that's right, you are. Rrrrr....

Speaking of which, I would like to tell you that I am officially the world's best baker! Hahahaha not. But my butter cake turned out really good. It didn't even need the butter sauce. That, my friends, would have been a sugar overload. Who could have thought that cake could be so fluffy? Delicious, although we're probably gonna have to hike a million miles to lose all that weight. Whooo. Did you know I accidentally drank a spoonful of melted salted butter the other day? I seriously felt myself gaining ten pounds instantly.

Okay, I'm going to try forcing myself to study. Wish me luck, cause you know I'll need it.


Does This Mean You're Moving On?

No word yet on whether everything's okay. Maybe it'll be better tomorrow.

You know, I've been following the news on these miners since the whole thing began. It made me sad at first, but I didn't really dwell on the issue. But the more I read, the worse I felt. Imagine those miners, trapped in a dark and quiet place, while their oxygen slowly runs out. If I was stuck there, I think I'd die. Partially due to my claustrophobia, but mainly because I'd go insane waiting for someone to come save me.

And now that I hear they're giving up the rescue mission, I feel so angry. These men don't deserve to be caught down there. Money shouldn't be the issue here. No one should have to wait as long as they did, or hopefully are still doing, and not get out of there alive.

I hope their families are strong enough to get through this.

Let's think about happy stuff now.

I'm in the mood to do loads of math. We're talking like algebra, logarithms, yadda yadda... the stuff I struggle with all the time. No, I haven't been hit on the head. No, I did not grow an extra brain and feel the urge to show off my amazing numerical skills and whatnot. I don't know really. I just feel like math.

It's comforting in the way that you can either get it right, or get it wrong. There is no in between. And the feeling you get when you've nailed a really tough question? Priceless. It's the kind of feeling that makes me think I can do anything. It makes me feel smarter, even by a tiny leap. It makes me want to do better at life in general.

And that's always a good thing.



There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Sometimes, you don't know how lucky you really are to never have to go through things like this.You take every single thing for granted, tomorrows before todays. You think you're invincible, until everything comes crashing down on you.

And I hate it when the only thing left to do is pray that every thing turns out okay.
Please let them be safe. Let them go home again.

You can start any time now, God.


Last Things Last

Ask the things you shouldn't miss
Tape hits and the modern man
Cold war and card catalogs
To come and join us if they can
For girly drinks and parlor games
We'll pass around the easy lie
Of absolutely no regrets
And later maybe you could try
To let your losses dangle off
The sharp edge of a century
Talk about the weather or
How the weather used to be

Yes, I know. Emo. Well, did I ever tell you about that time I listened to The Who's Baba O' Riley, also known among some as Teenage Wasteland? Ahh... bliss. So refreshing. So pretty (yeah I know, how can all that synthesizing be called pretty)and so happy. I know I'm pushing it here but bear with me. My real point is coming up.

Okay, so they could have just left the song as it was, because it was already really really good. But they didn't! They one-upped themselves by inserting a violin in the end. Like towards the end, but whatever. And oh my freaking monkey it is so good I would like to give it a standing ovation.

Yes I know very well that the lyrics above are not from the song. Look it up for yourself.

Have you wondered lately why I've been posting lyrics to accompany my posts nowadays? Have you? Well even if you haven't you should just nod. Well, it's because I'm emo and I want the whole world to know it! Hahaha not. Seriously though, it's because lyrics get stuck in my head so easily.

Oooo the violin part is up now.

Okay back to the lyrics. Right. So anyways, when the song is stuck in my head, the words just seem to bounce back and forth within my cranium. So I have to get them out somehow. Blogging them just seemed like the best way. It didn't work though, but I discovered that by posting lyrics from songs I like, something great happened. When I read my posts again, certain songs would play in my head to accompany the mood of the post. Sometimes, it just makes me feel happy for no other reason than them being so good. And there you go. There's the reason why I'm always posting up lyrics. Fun, no?

Don't cry
Don't raise your eye
It's only teenage wasteland!

Yes yes standing ovation please!

KC and I were chatting today, and he told me something he's told very few people. And no, it was not as shocking as he'd hoped it'd be. Hahaha love that boy. So paranoid and overdramatic. Anyways, I'm gonna miss him when he heads off for college. I still can't believe he's older than both BB and I. He's so childish, but it's all good. Best of luck, KC. Make us proud.

Love me love my faults. You should have known that.


All For Swinging Around You

I have never claimed to be an innocent person. Sure, I am perfectly capable of manipulating people when I feel the need to. Heck, I'm better at that than most people. However, I do not push people around just for the fun of it. It sounds wrong since it comes from me, but I can say without hesitation that I am not that kind of person. I do not hurt people for the fun of it. It's not amusing. I grew up a long time ago.

Math was great. I think I'll get a B, or maybe an A if I'm lucky. Yes, I'm talking rubbish. Not studying and expecting good grades never amount to anything good. In my case, that is.

Radiohead is my drug. Well not really but how can you not love them? The sheer vulnerability in his voice as he sings about love and the other stuff we write songs about. Thom Yorke should marry me so that we can make beautiful music together. And by together, I mean that he'll be doing the singing and the musical bits while I sit there and swoon.

Actually I wish to marry a vampire. I hear they've gotten pretty hot nowadays, yesno? Whatever. I'm pale. Pasty. I look younger than I am. Plus, I have fang-like teeth. Batboy, take me now.

Yes yes I know. Why on earth am I so obsessed with matrimony all of a sudden? Personally, I think it's a hormone thing. :P No seriously. I'm losing even more weight(Yes!), I'm feeling tired and moody a lot and I want to eat all the time. No it is not PMS!

About that fang thing - my canine teeth (is that what you call them?) grew outwards in such a way that it looked like I had fangs. I went around scaring younger kids with them, and it was fun for a while. Then they sank into place and I became plain old D again.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I might be called up by the teachers to explain myself. For getting pretty good marks, that is. Although when I think about it, this is all kinds of stupid in two ways. Yes, I am very good at confusing myself, aren't I? Contradictions must die. But I'm digressing.

I'm not even sure that I'll ace my History exam, but if I do, I'm sure to be in deep trouble. This is because, a) someone has been leaking the questions and b) I suck at History. Therefore, getting an A in it will prove my guilt without a doubt. Except for the fact that I actually am innocent. Just thought I'd try cramming for once instead of snoring away.

Notice how I stay up late on weekends when I have nothing better to do yet turn up super duper early on weekdays when I usually lug home mountains of homework?

Is this post becoming too long and random or what?

Update : Aced the Math exam! A*! Haha suck on that, losers while I go smother my calculator in kisses. Love that little chunk of numbery goodness.

Update 2 : Well whoopee for you if you guessed PMS in the first place because guess what? You were right. In my defense, it's stress related, brought on by the onslaught of neverending exams. Stupid stupid exam department.

Update 3 : Now tell me, is it right for a teenage boy to gush about how cute Winnie the Pooh is? Didn't think so.


Your Nobody Called Today

More uneventful days. And to think these years are supposed to be the best ones of my life.

I love my pencil cases. They are the most practical yet funkiest? most adorable?
nicest? ones that I (or maybe you) can find around here.

I’ve got a big big big heart beat yeah
I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
But I’ve been having good days
Think we are the right age
To start our own peculiar ways?
With good friendly homes

I think I may be falling for you. And I have no idea why. You're entirely different from the kind of guys I always seem to go for. You're nice. You're funny. You're smart. You're sweet. And you're just plain you.

So why does it feel like I'm making a huge mistake?

It doesn't really matter anyways. Guys like you never fall for girls like me.

Why oh why must people TyPe LyKe DiS?! Or LIKE THIS!!! Why? Wouldn't it just be easier to type things out, you know. Properly? Or if you don't like wasting time on Messenger, why not type everything out in the lower case. It's nicer than seeing huge letters bombard you the minute you sign online. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I see people typing like that, I get the feeling that they're really angry.

Still not studying for the exams. I think I'm subconsciously telling myself to fail them with flying colours.


Space Oddity

Today has been a completely uneventful day. Just like yesterday. And the day before that.

Morning - Woke up early because shaken awake by mother. Got ready for a movie only to be told it was in the afternoon. Made pancakes but lost appetite after a while. Gave them to brother. Fell asleep on the floor in room. Sprang awake in panic after frantic knocking at door. Finally went out for movie.

Afternoon - Watched movie. Lunched at what used to be favourite restaurant. Discovered newfound intolerance for spicy food. Nearly threw up and passed out in car.

Evening - Tried to study but was too tired. Fell asleep in car. Woke up to complain of shoulder aches. Passed out again. Dragged butt out of car and went to room to nap.

Night - Woke up. Ate leftovers from the fridge. Tried to study. Failed. Decided to emo to songs. Did the tango and tried to study. Failed again. Typed out a post. Laughed at own stupidity and prepared to fail history exam tomorrow.

What about me?

To study or not to study? Hmm... Study? Sleep? Study? Sleep? Study? Sleep?




Update : Woke up with the worst migraine ever. Went to school and realised that school was postponed until 1 for those who wanted to come. Exam at 2. Cried on W's shoulder and passed out.

I am so good at this.

Update 2 : I forgot to mention that BB and I made up. She said, and I quote her exactly, " We will never be able to get rid of each other, will we? " Haha, yeah. Just goes to show that sometimes you've just got to wait it out and see. Thank the gods I didn't call her up to yell at her or something like that.

And N has some explaining to do. Hmm...


Everybody's Going To Be Happy

Exams start tomorrow and I haven't studied. Neither has N, for that matter, but I'm not really buying it. She's one of those freakishly responsible people who can't stand to leave their homework undone and their revision unfinished. Says it gives her rashes. But even if she hasn't touched her books, her amazing memory should help her ace those papers. So yeah, I'm worried.

I got a new water flask! It's adorable. It has red ladybugs on it, and everyone knows how much I love ladybugs. Love!

Little turn
I'm not gonna wait for you tonight
Live on the stage
I'm sure
I'm not gonna wait for you anymore
When you're away
It's alright
I'm walking away from you tonight
Live on the stage
I'm sure
I'm not gonna look at you anymore
The same way

I may not have the perfect guy in my life right now, but I appreciate him. Thank you so much for being there always and never letting me forget that I am loved.

I have been listening to my iTunes the whole week, and now I have so many songs stuck in my head. Beautiful, life-altering ones. To all those people who think that music cannot change one's life by just listening to it, I have to pity you. Obviously, you don't know the right songs.

Robot Chicken is one of the funniest shows ever. How could you not love pointless and demented satire, laced with the tiniest bit of sick sick humour. Like Senior Mutant Ninja Turtles. Or a Dragonball Christmas. Jasper the Douche Bag Ghost? Priceless.


I Hope Your Heart Runs Empty

Happy and not so happy birthday to me! D's not the youngest anymore!

Yes, I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago, and I loved every present, card and greeting I got. Especially N's, because she put like the hugest effort into the card and the present. Colour coordination and making sure everything was perfect. I love her! N, if you're reading this now, thank you loads for the one of the best birthday gifts I have ever gotten. I especially loved the cotton candy. Brilliant! I've never had candy floss at my birthday before.

My birthday week continued well into the weekend. We (N, BB and I) went to watch our school's annual musical, which is always a popular event. This year topped last year's performance ten times over. It was so fantastic, I had tears in my eyes at the end of both acts. And I know I have always said I was emo, but never before has anything that my school has ever done made me feel this way. It was a great night.

Until BB decided to pick a fight with me over the pettiest thing. That day had been a very emotionally tiring day for me. A never-ending roller coaster of different emotions. I'd cried a few times that day because things were just too difficult, and I was really really stressed. So, I thought that that night would be a really good one. And it was, because I loved the show. It was only when I got home, that BB started opening her mouth. This was a first.

She accused me of things that I won't mention here, just because it would hurt her feelings if she saw them. But she hurt my feelings. She went on and on about how I'd betrayed her, and how horrible I was. Then, she dealt the final blow by saying that I preferred N over her and that she had known it all along. I couldn't stand it.

I cried, for what must have been the fourth time that day.

I couldn't help it. All those emotions that were locked up inside of me just exploded out. I snapped. And she didn't care. I was crying my heart out and she didn't care. She kept telling me how I could never see my own faults. How I could never understand other people because I was too wrapped up in myself. I tried to tell her it was no one's fault. That it was a misunderstanding. But she wouldn't give up. She told me I was trying to shift the blame to her.

Then she told me it was alright. That she didn't care, because I'd done it so often, and she was used to it.

How do you think that made me feel? Five years of being best friends, gone down the drain in one single phone call. I've always fought to keep this friendship together. Not her. I'm always the one doing the explaining, the comforting, the calming down, the patching up, the apologizing. I'm the one who always has to call. That's when it hit me. I'm the one who really wants this friendship. Not her.

I called N to ask her if I had really done all those horrible things that BB had said. She was horrified at the question. And at the fact that I was crying so hard I couldn't get the words up because I was so choked up. Thank God N had the presence of mind to let me cry it all out. We had a really emotional heart to heart that night. I felt much better at the end, and I was a bit guilty for keeping her up so late, because she has to wake-up much earlier than I do.

I haven't spoken to BB since. N advised me to let the whole thing cool down, and wait for her to call. She hasn't. But it's alright. I'm okay with the fact that we might not be friends anymore. That one phone call made me realise that she wasn't really the person I thought she was. It made me realise that I deserved better than someone who refuses to see things from my point of view.

It made me realise that I have a friend like N, who'd never hurt me on purpose, and always goes out of her way to make me feel happy.

She gave up her first ticket just so she could sit with me during the musical. And it was a first class seat. And I really appreciated that.

In other news, my aunt is being a first class bitch who's hurt my mom a lot. I wish I could kick her ass back to Texas. She's been telling everyone that we (the family) hate her kids. Gee, how did she guess? They're rude and obnoxious, and they have no sense of respect. Now, how could you not love kids like that?

She's a money-sucking leech who came to see the rest of us just so she could get my grandmother into a mental institution. Then, collect her pension. I'm not kidding, she said so herself. Bitch. She's been stirring up all sorts of trouble here, trying to get everyone on her side. Like me. " I love you, D. You're so pretty and kind and thoughtful. Not to mention smart." Think again, idiot. I hate you. :D

Oh God, she's here. I think I'd better post this up and get out of here, fast. Lord have mercy on me.


Swing Your Heartache


I've gotten my lappy back, almost as good as new. I almost cried with joy. Right now, I've got so much to say but no time to say it. So, I'll update with a post right around the weekend.

God I hate school!

And to everyone who asked (everyone!), no, I am not reading Harry Potter.