Angels In Flight

Wow. It's been like ages since I last blogged. Have I ever mentioned that I have horrible luck with electrical appliances and stuff like that? I swear, all I did was touch my laptop's charger, and it put on a colourful display of fireworks for me. So now I'm stuck using my brother's computer until we can find another charger. Which isn't as easy as you might think. All the stores I've been to don't carry it. Lucky me, I need the one charger that they don't have. Well, I'll just have to keep trying.

By the way, in even more tragic news ( is that even possible? ), Saddam Hussein's just been executed. I'm upset that he killed so many people, but it's never nice when a living creature dies. No matter who or what they are. I feel kind of sad. If reincarnation does exist, I hope he's reborn as a better person. May God have mercy on his soul.

There's a lot of stuff coming up, so blogging might have to take a backseat for a while. I'm going to start organizing my room just in time for the New Year. And, think up my resolutions. So, it might be some time before my next post appears. Merry Christmas ( I know it's late, but I'm still in the Christmassy spirit ) and a Happy New Year everybody!

P.S. It's a pity that some of my fave bloggers have been affected by the earthquake disaster in Taiwan, and the internet connection being down and all, especially in Asia. But hopefully, things will be back to normal soon. Here's to wishful thinking!


I Wish I Was The Moon

put us back together right

Bad day. Nothing more to say. I wish the world would just end. Oh wait. It already is.

I'd like to be angry

Because it would be better

Than sitting here and crying

At something that was never my fault

People ask me

"Are you not sad?"
I say no

It doesn't matter
Not at all

But alone in my room

I lie on my bed

And wonder what went wrong

I think I know


I know

Perhaps it's for the best

But wouldn't it be nice

If I felt the slightest bit mad
Instead of nothing at all

To the core, numbness


Like a ghost in a shell

Maybe it'll be alright

Probably not though

Because I can already see

You walking away
I hate you


What do I do in times like this? Nothing at all. I just sit in a corner and pray that I can get through this. And actually, I find that it kind of works. Not immediately, though. In time, I heal. Sometimes, it doesn't matter that no one knows what you're going through. Because when you get through it, you know that you're a stronger, better person. That you can make it on your own. And I'm okay with that.

On a side note, I'd like to tell V that, I'm sorry things didn't go your way. It's her loss. And BB, sorry for being so distant. I still care about us. You know we're gonna make it through this in the end. One more year, and it's all over. La la love you always!


Peach Plum Pear

your light is spent

I love how your heart beats
Whenever I hold you
I love how you think of me
Without being told to
I love the way your touch is always tenderly
But darling most of all
I love how you love me

Isn't Christmas season wonderful sometimes? Still waiting for the big day. Can't believe I'm missing V's special moment, but I'm sure it'll turn out alright. Don't mess it up, okay? Talking to you about it didn't work, but I have faith in you. Tell me all about it when it's over!

Oh and by the way, I love Neutral Milk Hotel.

I swore a lot today, and by a lot I mean like five times. That's a lot for me, cause I never swear. I think BB would understand. Sorry V, for shocking you like that. Haha. Now you know never to bring that up again. Never.

Oh and by the way, I love The High Violets.

I'm being random here, cause I'm high! Shopping tomorrow, I hope. Yeah, I am sad.


So I Was Thinking To Myself

join the triumph of the skies

Hello friend. It's nice to hear from you again. I wish you'd pick up the phone when we call. Stop distancing yourself from everyone else. If you tried to talk to us, you'd see that we care. All of us. So please, let us be your friends. We're here for you. We love you.

Such beautiful lies. But we all believe them.

It's going to be Christmas soon. I'd like a tree, though we have nowhere to put one. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to make do with cookies and carols. My favourite - Hark The Herald Angels Sing, especially Nat King Cole's version. Needs no introduction, and I can't think of a description for it. It's just one of those songs that you have to listen to for yourself. But I'm sure all of you have.

What I want to do this Christmas:

Watch A Charlie Brown Christmas

Bake cookies

Go wild with cotton candy

Build a snowman/woman

Get presents (greed)

See all my aunts and uncles and cousins (impossible)

Do whatever I can think of

Why is it that when Stars are Blind finally starts to fade away on the radio, Nothing In This World comes on instead? It's so catchy. I shouldn't be liking it, but I do. I even sing along to it when it plays. Now excuse me while I go wash my mouth out with soap.

Oh, and please stop by here, if you have the time. Thank you.


The Sky Is Broken

a lack of colour

I am sad today. Very very sad.
For the past week, I have been reading about the disappearance of the Kim family on EmilyStyle. Kati Kim and her two children were found alive, but the father, James Kim, who had trekked out to find help, was found dead yesterday. You can read about it here. I'm too upset to think.

Their family will be in my prayers tonight. I hope they have the strength to get through this. Where are the Christmas miracles when you need one?

To All The Plain Janes

and I feel like a golden star exploding

I don't really have anything to say. Just felt like flexing my fingers for a tad bit. By the way, did you know that I have really crooked fingers? BB says they're witch fingers - long and skinny. I told her she was jealous because her fingers are short and chubby. But my fingers are longer than the average 16 year old's. All the better to wrap them around your neck and squeeze, my pretty! Which reminds me, I love love love fairy tales, don't you? There's this huge pretty book of fairy tales in the bookstore. Everytime I'm there, I stand in front of it, looking like a huge retard while drooling non-stop. Sometimes, I envy those little kids who throw tantrums to get what they want. And succeed.

Oh, have you heard about Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson's supposed split? How sad! I normally don't pay attention to celeb breakups, I mean, I couldn't care less about Brad and Jen or BritBrit and Kevin. But this, this is different! They look so normal and so actually in love. I am very unhappy right now. Is there no true love? Does this mean my relationship won't last? God, I hope not. Reese and Ryan's divorce made me sad as well. She's so cute. He's not so cute. You know who else is cute? Jonathan Rhys Meyer! Vanity Fair has all the cute guys, and I hated it because they end up dying. And a not so cute guy gets the girl! James Purefoy - I think that's what his name is - is really hot. For a middle aged guy. Haha. I'd dump my boyfriend for him.

I am really starting to annoy myself, being such an emo. I can't go a week without wanting to burst into tears. Not PMS, mind you. I would know. Remember Happy Feet, which I watched on Tuesday? Well, if you've watched it, you'll remember the scene in which Mumble tries to learn to sing. And when he's told to let his emotions out, he does, by dancing. He looked so happy, I burst out crying. It was a happy moment, goddammit! You do not cry at the cheerful scenes, okay?! I am so ashamed, especially since the movie had only been playing for like, 10 minutes. All the kids there wore smiles on their faces. I had to duck down into my popcorn so no one would see. But everyone did. When the lights came back on, I ran out as fast as I could. And nearly fell down the stairs. Actually, I didn't. But I was so scared I would. Because I'm super clumsy that way. Strange why people think I'm not.

Bear with me here, okay? I promise you, this too shall pass. Before you know it, I'll be one of those sunshiney people, shooting smiles in every direction as I pass out organic chocolate chip mint cookies with a dab of strawberry frosting on top. Homemade and fresh from the oven, of course.


Who Says There Has To Be A Beach To Wear A Bathing Suit?

clouds are empty, I walk through them like water

I'm kind of liking the new template, even though I know it looks kinda cluttered. But it's my blog, so who cares. So I just watched Happy Feet, and I ask you, is there anything cuter than those penguins?! The baby ones, of course. One of my favourite animals is the penguin! Especially those Fairy Penguins! I'm not kidding, they really do exist, and they're the smallest penguins ever. They're also known as Little Blue Penguins and Blue Penguins. How adorable. I wish I had a baby penguin. What are they called, by the way? Baby penguins?

I'm kind of hating my net connection, though. It is, to be exact, running at the speed of government. Okay, I'm lame. But you already knew that. This always happens to me. I'll happily be surfing the web, when suddenly, whoosh! That stupid little pop-up appears. 'Limited connection'. And when we call the web guy, or whatever he's called, the same excuse all over again. "This is a temporary disruption. Your services are being upgraded, please have some patience with us." Hahahaha. Patience. I'll see how you like it when I cut off your connections to your friends, especially when you're so far away from them!

Aww... Is there anything cuter than an English Cocker Spaniel, especially when said pooch looks like a Basset Hound due to its droopy eyes and ears, and somewhat lolling walk? She gives me high fives and sloppy kisses, as well as nips on the toes to cheer me up. I love her so much. Except now. She's too big can't get her off my pillow arrgh! There! She eats like, everything! And sleeps on our couch. We'll be walking towards it, and when we try to sit down, poof, she's already there. Yipping and yapping at us to move. What a brat!

Three things I say all the time :

eta in 2011 to remove offensive words that 15 year old me should never ever have been using. blame it on the environment, the friends, the dumb shit one says at that age. most of all, blame it on me. i should have known better. being pc might be so passé, but i have spent so much time trying to better myself that this sort of thing is just unacceptable to me. i'm sorry.

My three most favouritest (I know there's no such word, no need to give me one of your lectures, BB) animals of all :

Penguins Foxes Geese

I know, you're probably wondering about that last one. But geese are so huggable, are they not? And yes, I have hugged a goose before. They've got such beautiful eyes, and they can be quite gentle. I wish they were gentle all the time. I'd love to own one. And a penguin. And a fox. I do dream a lot, don't I? Which reminds me, try Jennifer Gentle's 'I Do Dream You'. Catchy? Yes. Annoying? No.


And Rizzo Makes Three

I don't even know what I've done to my blog. I was half asleep and bored, so it's not completely my fault. Meh. I'll be fixing it in the morning. And by morning, I mean at three in the afternoon, which is right when I wake up. Sigh.


Something Pretty

I'm the friend you need, but can't be trusted

I wrote two really really long posts to vent my anger at some very "nice" people, but decided they didn't deserve a mention on my blog. I'm sorry V, for not being as excited as I should have been. It's nice that you're finally "going out" with the girl you like. But you didn't even ask her out. She's just going to be at the same party that you'll be at. Still, I know you wanted to. Have fun there, okay? I love you too, but I'm not in the mood to go with you guys. You keep saying that it'll be no fun without me, but we both know it will. Woo her. Wow her. I know you can. You are my boy genius, which means you are good enough for her. I love her to bits, you know, so you take care of her too. By the way, stop asking me who he is, I'll never tell you. Both of you. Oh, N and W, I love you guys too. You two must help me keep those two on a leash. And I still think W's too good for M. Actually, everyone's too good for M. Haha. I really really dislike her. But so does everyone else. Everyone but W. Why won't you see that there are other girls for you. I'll help you find one. My dear friend P is single too. She's lovely. You will like her, won't you W? Yes you will, I know it!

Me love you guys long time! Have a great time, okay? And stop asking me to go, cause my vacation is long overdue and I have no bling bling kaching to waste on this nonsense.

Oh, and BB, next time, yeah?


Lost To The Lonesome

i found a terrible use for your pillow

Oh how I love to sing
While the rain dances down
And the lightning meets the earth
Embracing it in a clap of smoke
Boom! It goes
And a tree waves goodbye forever
People just drive by
Cars a wall to everything around them
They won't stop
Too fast, I think
I'm right, I hear a crash
Like pans striking each other
But louder
Two becomes one
No one comes out
Oh how I love to sing

Define A Transparent Dream

where no one knows my name

Being a teenager sucks sometimes, doesn't it? When you want to be a little kid again, you're told to grow up. But being mature makes you sad, because you don't want to become an adult too soon. I turned 16, and didn't have a sweet 16 party because I knew it was a waste of money. I'm kind of regretting it right now, because everybody tells me I should have. And Boston is making me cry right now. God, I'm too sensitive, my mascara and eyeliner are running. Emo.

I wish I was a little kid again. I want to be three again, and sit quietly in the corner with me collection of fairy tales, humming nursery rhymes to my brother under my breath. I want to be four again, and jump rope in the car park of our apartment while my mother teaches my brother how to walk. I want to be five again, and swim in the pool with my father without being afraid of drowning. I want to be six again, and play dress up and have tea parties with my pink stuffed elephant. I want to be little again, and not feel like crying or that I've let everyone down, even though I think I haven't.

Essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts, across an open field

When the flowers gaze at you

They're not the only ones who cry when they see you

You know what? I don't care what people think. I chose not to have that party for a reason, and I'm fully justified. The sky won't fall just because I turned 16 without a bang. I'll celebrate turning 20 instead, because that's when I'll finally take that tentative step out of teenage life, and into young adulthood. And maybe I'll still be posting stuff up, and I'll read this entry and laugh at how silly I sound, how childish I'm being.

But I won't grow up yet.


Posthumous Reflections On Lucky Shirt

twelve fold chain

Right now, I'm craving a huge bowl of seaweed mushroom noodles and a tall glass of soy milk. And a good book. I've finished Turtle Moon, and it's by Alice Hoffman, just in case you've forgotten. Quite good, but nothing, and nothing, can compare to The River King. I'd do a Jessica Simpson and buy the rights to the books so no dumb-ass director can make the half baked film version of it, but I have no money. Could anyone buy them for me?

So, like I was saying, good books are quite hard to come across at times. Sometimes I suffer through a drought, during which I can't find any tomes I deem readable or interesting. Thankfully, that hasn't happened lately. I'm horrible at remembering the names of authors, so I can't remember who wrote it, but I've recently acquired a book called Gould's Book of Fish. The first page looks interesting enough, but somehow I just can't get myself motivated enough to read it. And that's never happened.

Recently, I've not opened any of the dozen novels I've bought. It's like I don't like reading anymore. I've borrowed a few Agatha Christie books from the library and devoured them, but my own novels are a different story (pun not intended). They just lie there, looking pretty, but not tempting. I wonder why I don't feel like reaching out and plucking one from the shelf.

I remember when I used to restrict myself to one novel a week. I'd read the tome as slowly as I could, though that in itself was torturous, for I speed read. But I did it so I would stop spending so much money on books, since I went through most paperbacks in less than a few hours. And don't say that I didn't read through them carefully, because I could remember the story just as well as someone who took a few days to read them, and sometimes even better. Those were the days.

Speaking of books, there's a band called, what else - The Books. One of their songs, 'There Is No There', has earned a five star rating in my playlist. I can't really explain why though. The song has a weird yet soothing rhythm, no drum beat(which would ruin the song), fathomless but bewitching chanting, and intervals in which someone talks (about Gandhi, no less). Talk about unusual. But it's so utterly delicious, and I've found myself listening to it on repeat for copious amounts of time without getting sick of it. And I don't think you would, either.