Angels In Flight

Wow. It's been like ages since I last blogged. Have I ever mentioned that I have horrible luck with electrical appliances and stuff like that? I swear, all I did was touch my laptop's charger, and it put on a colourful display of fireworks for me. So now I'm stuck using my brother's computer until we can find another charger. Which isn't as easy as you might think. All the stores I've been to don't carry it. Lucky me, I need the one charger that they don't have. Well, I'll just have to keep trying.

By the way, in even more tragic news ( is that even possible? ), Saddam Hussein's just been executed. I'm upset that he killed so many people, but it's never nice when a living creature dies. No matter who or what they are. I feel kind of sad. If reincarnation does exist, I hope he's reborn as a better person. May God have mercy on his soul.

There's a lot of stuff coming up, so blogging might have to take a backseat for a while. I'm going to start organizing my room just in time for the New Year. And, think up my resolutions. So, it might be some time before my next post appears. Merry Christmas ( I know it's late, but I'm still in the Christmassy spirit ) and a Happy New Year everybody!

P.S. It's a pity that some of my fave bloggers have been affected by the earthquake disaster in Taiwan, and the internet connection being down and all, especially in Asia. But hopefully, things will be back to normal soon. Here's to wishful thinking!


I Wish I Was The Moon

put us back together right

Bad day. Nothing more to say. I wish the world would just end. Oh wait. It already is.

I'd like to be angry

Because it would be better

Than sitting here and crying

At something that was never my fault

People ask me

"Are you not sad?"
I say no

It doesn't matter
Not at all

But alone in my room

I lie on my bed

And wonder what went wrong

I think I know


I know

Perhaps it's for the best

But wouldn't it be nice

If I felt the slightest bit mad
Instead of nothing at all

To the core, numbness


Like a ghost in a shell

Maybe it'll be alright

Probably not though

Because I can already see

You walking away
I hate you


What do I do in times like this? Nothing at all. I just sit in a corner and pray that I can get through this. And actually, I find that it kind of works. Not immediately, though. In time, I heal. Sometimes, it doesn't matter that no one knows what you're going through. Because when you get through it, you know that you're a stronger, better person. That you can make it on your own. And I'm okay with that.

On a side note, I'd like to tell V that, I'm sorry things didn't go your way. It's her loss. And BB, sorry for being so distant. I still care about us. You know we're gonna make it through this in the end. One more year, and it's all over. La la love you always!


Peach Plum Pear

your light is spent

I love how your heart beats
Whenever I hold you
I love how you think of me
Without being told to
I love the way your touch is always tenderly
But darling most of all
I love how you love me

Isn't Christmas season wonderful sometimes? Still waiting for the big day. Can't believe I'm missing V's special moment, but I'm sure it'll turn out alright. Don't mess it up, okay? Talking to you about it didn't work, but I have faith in you. Tell me all about it when it's over!

Oh and by the way, I love Neutral Milk Hotel.

I swore a lot today, and by a lot I mean like five times. That's a lot for me, cause I never swear. I think BB would understand. Sorry V, for shocking you like that. Haha. Now you know never to bring that up again. Never.

Oh and by the way, I love The High Violets.

I'm being random here, cause I'm high! Shopping tomorrow, I hope. Yeah, I am sad.


So I Was Thinking To Myself

join the triumph of the skies

Hello friend. It's nice to hear from you again. I wish you'd pick up the phone when we call. Stop distancing yourself from everyone else. If you tried to talk to us, you'd see that we care. All of us. So please, let us be your friends. We're here for you. We love you.

Such beautiful lies. But we all believe them.

It's going to be Christmas soon. I'd like a tree, though we have nowhere to put one. Oh well. I guess we'll just have to make do with cookies and carols. My favourite - Hark The Herald Angels Sing, especially Nat King Cole's version. Needs no introduction, and I can't think of a description for it. It's just one of those songs that you have to listen to for yourself. But I'm sure all of you have.

What I want to do this Christmas:

Watch A Charlie Brown Christmas

Bake cookies

Go wild with cotton candy

Build a snowman/woman

Get presents (greed)

See all my aunts and uncles and cousins (impossible)

Do whatever I can think of

Why is it that when Stars are Blind finally starts to fade away on the radio, Nothing In This World comes on instead? It's so catchy. I shouldn't be liking it, but I do. I even sing along to it when it plays. Now excuse me while I go wash my mouth out with soap.

Oh, and please stop by here, if you have the time. Thank you.


The Sky Is Broken

a lack of colour

I am sad today. Very very sad.
For the past week, I have been reading about the disappearance of the Kim family on EmilyStyle. Kati Kim and her two children were found alive, but the father, James Kim, who had trekked out to find help, was found dead yesterday. You can read about it here. I'm too upset to think.

Their family will be in my prayers tonight. I hope they have the strength to get through this. Where are the Christmas miracles when you need one?

To All The Plain Janes

and I feel like a golden star exploding

I don't really have anything to say. Just felt like flexing my fingers for a tad bit. By the way, did you know that I have really crooked fingers? BB says they're witch fingers - long and skinny. I told her she was jealous because her fingers are short and chubby. But my fingers are longer than the average 16 year old's. All the better to wrap them around your neck and squeeze, my pretty! Which reminds me, I love love love fairy tales, don't you? There's this huge pretty book of fairy tales in the bookstore. Everytime I'm there, I stand in front of it, looking like a huge retard while drooling non-stop. Sometimes, I envy those little kids who throw tantrums to get what they want. And succeed.

Oh, have you heard about Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson's supposed split? How sad! I normally don't pay attention to celeb breakups, I mean, I couldn't care less about Brad and Jen or BritBrit and Kevin. But this, this is different! They look so normal and so actually in love. I am very unhappy right now. Is there no true love? Does this mean my relationship won't last? God, I hope not. Reese and Ryan's divorce made me sad as well. She's so cute. He's not so cute. You know who else is cute? Jonathan Rhys Meyer! Vanity Fair has all the cute guys, and I hated it because they end up dying. And a not so cute guy gets the girl! James Purefoy - I think that's what his name is - is really hot. For a middle aged guy. Haha. I'd dump my boyfriend for him.

I am really starting to annoy myself, being such an emo. I can't go a week without wanting to burst into tears. Not PMS, mind you. I would know. Remember Happy Feet, which I watched on Tuesday? Well, if you've watched it, you'll remember the scene in which Mumble tries to learn to sing. And when he's told to let his emotions out, he does, by dancing. He looked so happy, I burst out crying. It was a happy moment, goddammit! You do not cry at the cheerful scenes, okay?! I am so ashamed, especially since the movie had only been playing for like, 10 minutes. All the kids there wore smiles on their faces. I had to duck down into my popcorn so no one would see. But everyone did. When the lights came back on, I ran out as fast as I could. And nearly fell down the stairs. Actually, I didn't. But I was so scared I would. Because I'm super clumsy that way. Strange why people think I'm not.

Bear with me here, okay? I promise you, this too shall pass. Before you know it, I'll be one of those sunshiney people, shooting smiles in every direction as I pass out organic chocolate chip mint cookies with a dab of strawberry frosting on top. Homemade and fresh from the oven, of course.


Who Says There Has To Be A Beach To Wear A Bathing Suit?

clouds are empty, I walk through them like water

I'm kind of liking the new template, even though I know it looks kinda cluttered. But it's my blog, so who cares. So I just watched Happy Feet, and I ask you, is there anything cuter than those penguins?! The baby ones, of course. One of my favourite animals is the penguin! Especially those Fairy Penguins! I'm not kidding, they really do exist, and they're the smallest penguins ever. They're also known as Little Blue Penguins and Blue Penguins. How adorable. I wish I had a baby penguin. What are they called, by the way? Baby penguins?

I'm kind of hating my net connection, though. It is, to be exact, running at the speed of government. Okay, I'm lame. But you already knew that. This always happens to me. I'll happily be surfing the web, when suddenly, whoosh! That stupid little pop-up appears. 'Limited connection'. And when we call the web guy, or whatever he's called, the same excuse all over again. "This is a temporary disruption. Your services are being upgraded, please have some patience with us." Hahahaha. Patience. I'll see how you like it when I cut off your connections to your friends, especially when you're so far away from them!

Aww... Is there anything cuter than an English Cocker Spaniel, especially when said pooch looks like a Basset Hound due to its droopy eyes and ears, and somewhat lolling walk? She gives me high fives and sloppy kisses, as well as nips on the toes to cheer me up. I love her so much. Except now. She's too big can't get her off my pillow arrgh! There! She eats like, everything! And sleeps on our couch. We'll be walking towards it, and when we try to sit down, poof, she's already there. Yipping and yapping at us to move. What a brat!

Three things I say all the time :

eta in 2011 to remove offensive words that 15 year old me should never ever have been using. blame it on the environment, the friends, the dumb shit one says at that age. most of all, blame it on me. i should have known better. being pc might be so passé, but i have spent so much time trying to better myself that this sort of thing is just unacceptable to me. i'm sorry.

My three most favouritest (I know there's no such word, no need to give me one of your lectures, BB) animals of all :

Penguins Foxes Geese

I know, you're probably wondering about that last one. But geese are so huggable, are they not? And yes, I have hugged a goose before. They've got such beautiful eyes, and they can be quite gentle. I wish they were gentle all the time. I'd love to own one. And a penguin. And a fox. I do dream a lot, don't I? Which reminds me, try Jennifer Gentle's 'I Do Dream You'. Catchy? Yes. Annoying? No.


And Rizzo Makes Three

I don't even know what I've done to my blog. I was half asleep and bored, so it's not completely my fault. Meh. I'll be fixing it in the morning. And by morning, I mean at three in the afternoon, which is right when I wake up. Sigh.


Something Pretty

I'm the friend you need, but can't be trusted

I wrote two really really long posts to vent my anger at some very "nice" people, but decided they didn't deserve a mention on my blog. I'm sorry V, for not being as excited as I should have been. It's nice that you're finally "going out" with the girl you like. But you didn't even ask her out. She's just going to be at the same party that you'll be at. Still, I know you wanted to. Have fun there, okay? I love you too, but I'm not in the mood to go with you guys. You keep saying that it'll be no fun without me, but we both know it will. Woo her. Wow her. I know you can. You are my boy genius, which means you are good enough for her. I love her to bits, you know, so you take care of her too. By the way, stop asking me who he is, I'll never tell you. Both of you. Oh, N and W, I love you guys too. You two must help me keep those two on a leash. And I still think W's too good for M. Actually, everyone's too good for M. Haha. I really really dislike her. But so does everyone else. Everyone but W. Why won't you see that there are other girls for you. I'll help you find one. My dear friend P is single too. She's lovely. You will like her, won't you W? Yes you will, I know it!

Me love you guys long time! Have a great time, okay? And stop asking me to go, cause my vacation is long overdue and I have no bling bling kaching to waste on this nonsense.

Oh, and BB, next time, yeah?


Lost To The Lonesome

i found a terrible use for your pillow

Oh how I love to sing
While the rain dances down
And the lightning meets the earth
Embracing it in a clap of smoke
Boom! It goes
And a tree waves goodbye forever
People just drive by
Cars a wall to everything around them
They won't stop
Too fast, I think
I'm right, I hear a crash
Like pans striking each other
But louder
Two becomes one
No one comes out
Oh how I love to sing

Define A Transparent Dream

where no one knows my name

Being a teenager sucks sometimes, doesn't it? When you want to be a little kid again, you're told to grow up. But being mature makes you sad, because you don't want to become an adult too soon. I turned 16, and didn't have a sweet 16 party because I knew it was a waste of money. I'm kind of regretting it right now, because everybody tells me I should have. And Boston is making me cry right now. God, I'm too sensitive, my mascara and eyeliner are running. Emo.

I wish I was a little kid again. I want to be three again, and sit quietly in the corner with me collection of fairy tales, humming nursery rhymes to my brother under my breath. I want to be four again, and jump rope in the car park of our apartment while my mother teaches my brother how to walk. I want to be five again, and swim in the pool with my father without being afraid of drowning. I want to be six again, and play dress up and have tea parties with my pink stuffed elephant. I want to be little again, and not feel like crying or that I've let everyone down, even though I think I haven't.

Essential yet appealed
Carry all your thoughts, across an open field

When the flowers gaze at you

They're not the only ones who cry when they see you

You know what? I don't care what people think. I chose not to have that party for a reason, and I'm fully justified. The sky won't fall just because I turned 16 without a bang. I'll celebrate turning 20 instead, because that's when I'll finally take that tentative step out of teenage life, and into young adulthood. And maybe I'll still be posting stuff up, and I'll read this entry and laugh at how silly I sound, how childish I'm being.

But I won't grow up yet.


Posthumous Reflections On Lucky Shirt

twelve fold chain

Right now, I'm craving a huge bowl of seaweed mushroom noodles and a tall glass of soy milk. And a good book. I've finished Turtle Moon, and it's by Alice Hoffman, just in case you've forgotten. Quite good, but nothing, and nothing, can compare to The River King. I'd do a Jessica Simpson and buy the rights to the books so no dumb-ass director can make the half baked film version of it, but I have no money. Could anyone buy them for me?

So, like I was saying, good books are quite hard to come across at times. Sometimes I suffer through a drought, during which I can't find any tomes I deem readable or interesting. Thankfully, that hasn't happened lately. I'm horrible at remembering the names of authors, so I can't remember who wrote it, but I've recently acquired a book called Gould's Book of Fish. The first page looks interesting enough, but somehow I just can't get myself motivated enough to read it. And that's never happened.

Recently, I've not opened any of the dozen novels I've bought. It's like I don't like reading anymore. I've borrowed a few Agatha Christie books from the library and devoured them, but my own novels are a different story (pun not intended). They just lie there, looking pretty, but not tempting. I wonder why I don't feel like reaching out and plucking one from the shelf.

I remember when I used to restrict myself to one novel a week. I'd read the tome as slowly as I could, though that in itself was torturous, for I speed read. But I did it so I would stop spending so much money on books, since I went through most paperbacks in less than a few hours. And don't say that I didn't read through them carefully, because I could remember the story just as well as someone who took a few days to read them, and sometimes even better. Those were the days.

Speaking of books, there's a band called, what else - The Books. One of their songs, 'There Is No There', has earned a five star rating in my playlist. I can't really explain why though. The song has a weird yet soothing rhythm, no drum beat(which would ruin the song), fathomless but bewitching chanting, and intervals in which someone talks (about Gandhi, no less). Talk about unusual. But it's so utterly delicious, and I've found myself listening to it on repeat for copious amounts of time without getting sick of it. And I don't think you would, either.


Pink Cloud Tracing Paper

talk to the hand

I'm emo, I know. So sue me.

In happier news, and to divert your attention away from the previous post, I have decided to talk about songs I like!


It may just be me, or does this song remind you of those times you spent cruising down the highway with the windows down? And maybe with your head sticking out of the sunroof. 'Autobahn' by Anberlin makes me want to run down to my mother's car and take it for a spin
through the neighbourhood. Haha. Maybe it's because the word autobahn is German for a motorway/freeway. Doesn't it sound so much better than plain old freeway? Autobahn! Only the fact that I might be arrested for driving without a license hinders me , but oh well, it just means that I can practice singing along to this song until I'm old enough to drive around with it blasting out the windows. Did I make any sense? I think not.

And we're trying to get out of here,
And a small-town romance draws ever near,
And I swear we're in the movies,
The highlight comes when you kiss me.

I think everyone should have at least one song on their playlist that makes them wanna get down and boogie the night away. You know what I mean. I'm talking about songs that are just too darn catchy and fun to sit still and listen to. I know some friends who think Tokyo Drift is one such song. Maybe for them. But for me, it's 'Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss' by The Bloodhound Gang. When I'm really down, which seems to be always, I put on this song and dance my troubles away. Of course, they do come back eventually. But what better way to get stuff out of your mind for a while than this? An added bonus is the kickass video that always cracks me up. I love the part where he makes out with the dog. Icky, but funny.

I've got something, it goes thumping like this,
All you need is, my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss.
I've got something, it goes thumping like this,
All you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss.

Love singing along to tunes that you can't actually sing? Me too! To show off my impressive vocal prowess, I like 'Nobody Move Nobody Get Hurt' by We Are Scientists. It may not be the best song for me, since I can't hit any of the correct notes, but it's sure fun to try. Sometimes, my brother and I even take turns to see who can annoy the other more by singing this song (and others) as loud as possible. And by singing, I mean breaking eardrums. That having been said, this song is totally infectious, and it's one of the most played songs in my iTunes. It's even better when you've got your headphones on. Just you, the music, and the sound of your voice drowning out your parents' screaming.

If no one moves, then nobody's gonna get hurt,
Don't move, cause nobody wants to get hu-uh-uh-uh-ooh,

Too many songs, too little time. I wish I had an iPod.

Oh, by the way, I am happy because my mummy bought me a new shampoo and some spray and leave in conditioner. Why is everything so expensive nowadays? I shall be very thrifty with my bee-yoo-ti-ful stuff and not use too much at one go. Lovely pepperminty smells all around. I love you mummy!

An Ode To No One

you say you wander your own land


I've been looking through some blogs belonging to ex-classmates, and classmates of these classmates. And I've just realized that I've changed so much, I'm practically someone else now. Reading about what they're doing nowadays makes me say to myself, 'Hey! I used to do that!' But I don't anymore. If only they could see me now. They'd think I was so pampered, living like this. 'We know, you're so rich now. Don't show off, okay?' Just because I go to a private school. The last time I went back to see one of my old friends, she said I looked so
posh now. But it didn't bother them that I was from a private school when I studied there. You see, before I studied in the public school, I was from a private school. And after studying there (public), I transferred to another private school. Argh, this is so mixed up. But you do get what I mean, right?

Most kids from public schools tell me, 'Hey, you're from a private school? Oh my gosh, no way! But you're nice! And you don't show off your money!' Haha. Newsflash! Private school kids are just that- kids. We're normal human beings, who just happen to go to more expensive schools. And for your information, some of us can just afford to go to school, and live a fairly comfortable life. Some of us receive scholarships to go there, and our fees are paid for, but not the rest of our lives. Most of us don't have closets filled with Dolce and Gabbana, Marc by Marc Jacobs or Anna Sui. We don't flaunt our money, and we don't look down on people who go to public schools! I'm speaking for my friends here. If you know of private school kids who actually do look down on you for going to a public school, then hate them, not the school.

Do you know, my friends and I agree that going out in our uniforms can be horrible at times. When we come across groups of public school kids, they glare at us and whisper amongst themselves. And we feel so embarassed that most of the time, we just hold our head up and keep on walking. I tried grinning at them once, having read some nonsense about 'smile and the world smiles with you' or something like that, but they just looked at me like I was offering them drugs. Boy, was I humiliated. I'm not saying that all public school kids are mean. I know loads of them, as a matter of fact. And I like them.

It's flattering when they tell me, 'You're the first nice person I've met who studied in a private school.' But I feel confused too. Why do public school kids think that way? Many of my current classmates transferred here from public schools. When they got here, one of their first sentences - My old mates told me private school kids are snobbish, but you guys are friendly. Wow. That just goes to show that you can't judge a book by its cover. When I first enrolled in a public school, I was nervous, but looking forward to meeting new friends. But most of the kids ignored me, save for some nicer ones. I later found out that those who had approached me were from the 'well-off' families, and the ones who hadn't were those who weren't that well off at all. They called me, the private school kid. Original name, huh?

Well, although that moniker stuck, thankfully the isolation didn't. Once they realized that I didn't look down on them, they became my friends. And soon, I was one of the gang. It was quite upsetting to leave them behind, but I thought we'd still be friends. Until they found out I was going to a private school, and a new neighbourhood. Of course, nothing changed outright. But still, over time, they distanced themselves from me. Things like 'Are you okay with going to **** instead of ^^^^? I know they sell cheaper stuff, and you're not used to that.' or 'How's life over there? I know, our neighbourhood isn't as wow as yours.' Umm, hello... I've never minded. It's nice that you take my feelings into account, but I'm not that kind of person. I still buy cheap stuff, and I love sales! I get loads of second-hand books, and I still take public transport. My neighbourhood is just like any other neighbourhood. What's so wow about it? It's just that I don't do the things I used to do because I can't, not because I don't want to. So my parents like to shop at malls instead of regular shops. Not my fault! I hate it when I'm branded the rich kid.

At least some of my friends feel the same way, and understand. Of course, there are some 'different' ones, who act like those stereotypical private school kids whom you see on screen. You know, those who flash their credit cards everywhere they go, grab things off the racks without blinking and refuse to touch anything they deem 'cheap' and 'tacky'. But still, they're my friends, and they're nice people, deep down. They just honestly don't know that what they do is sometimes deemed superficial or brattish. And I've seen them with others. Though they may not like cheap things, people are a different matter. They can be very nice, just a little spoiled, but very friendly. Try talking to them, and you'll understand.

If this post hurts anyone, I'm sorry. I honestly have nothing against public school kids. I'm just talking about the few that think private school kids are airheads, and nothing more. And by the way, we don't buy our grades. We earn them. Sometimes, we do seem a bit more interested in gossip than studying, but when it comes down to it, we have brains! And we use them too. I should know, coming from a place where A's really do matter. So, that's it then. I think I've said too much. Or typed. Whatever.

I just wish that my old friends would treat me as they used to. I was best friends with them in the past. Now, most of them just label me the rich daddy's girl. Just because someone doesn't look the same, doesn't mean they've changed inside. I'd still love to go shopping with them sometimes, no matter where they shop. And it'd be nice to hang out in the playground, and sit on the see-saws like we used to. Then cycle through the neighbourhood until we couldn't move our feet anymore. Just like we used to.


Starry Starry Night

Paint your palette blue and gray

If you're looking for festive songs and the like, you should be checking out 'You and I' by Michael Buble anytime soon. I know it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas (at least, not that I know of) but it makes me feel like I'm already huddled up in front of the fireplace with my family, a mug of hot chocolate in one hand, and a good book in the other. Bliss.

In my mind
We can conquer the world
In love, you and I
You and I
You and I

Eisley's 'The Winter Song' definitely earns a place in my Christmas playlist. The gentle vocals lilt slightly, creating a dreamish tone I almost always associate with snowy weather. Usually, I don't like drum beats in songs like this. But with this song, they're almost hypnotic, and her voice isn't drowned out by them. In my opinion, she sounds like she's slurring the lyrics, but they're actually pretty clear. How lovely. And yes, I know Eisley is not just one person, but a group.

Chimney smoke billowing
Snowflakes on my lashes
Oh the starry night
i was walking and singing this song
Sing along

Lastly, I love 'Christmas/ Xmas Cake' by Rilo Kiley. Of course, it helps that I adore Rilo Kiley already, and think the band can do no wrong. Jenny Lewis sings the lyrics with such emotion that even I have to pause and think about them. In a chilling and weird way, this song might be what I'll listen to in the future, when I'm spending Christmas all alone in my apartment, watching the happy families rushing home for dinner through my window.

Cry into your Christmas cake
Don't know what else to do
The new year's right in front of you
Fa la la fa la la la la

That's all there is. I'm off to finish reading some novels I've just bought. If you haven't heard of her, you should probably try one of Alice Hoffman's books. Start with The River King or Somewhere On Earth. They're beautifully written books that I love reading out loud. Her description of people and places simply roll of the tongue and create wondrous images in my head. Unfortunately, some of her other books aren't quite as good. But I'll forgive her, because The River King is as close to a masterpiece as it can get.

Le Train Bleu

i don't like it like this

At the risk of sounding like a total brattish bimbo, I'm still going to post this. BB and V must be laughing their heads off now. It's a to buy list of stuff that I need (and some that I want) right now. I've thought it all over carefully, just so that I don't purchase too much.

Thick stockings, preferably knee length

Loads of sweaters
Two jackets
A pair of Timberlands
Ballet flats
Four coats - one pea coat, an over coat, a winter coat and some random trench coat
A nicely cut blazer
Maybe a rain coat?
Scrunchies (unless I get that haircut I've been asking for)
Jeans (that fit well!)
Two cardigans (long)
Some nice tops and skirts

A wallet

A new pair of school shoes

I know that sounds like a lot, but since my last shopping trip (very long ago), I've grown around two inches, and put a multitude of holes in almost all articles of clothing I own. Just the other day, my
sneakers fell apart. And two days later, the soles of my boots were nowhere to be found, having dropped off on the road somewhere.

After reading the whole list over again, I realize that it does look like I am a spoiled brat. But I'm not. Still, there's no way of actually proving that to you. I guess it doesn't matter. And anyways, I'm sure I won't be getting everything on that list. My conscience will make sure of that. Does anybody want to contribute to my savings so I can get at least a quarter of this stuff? I'll owe you one.

I promise.


Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes
And she's gone

Have you ever had one of those days where everything just seems to go wrong? When everything you do doesn't make sense? Yet you still try to go on. But you realize that it's all pointless. So you lie down and cry yourself to sleep. Dreaming of the world falling down all around you. Then waking up to find that it's true. And you just want to die.


Shaken, Not Stirred

forget how to feel

Oho. Seems like I haven't been posting much lately. With good reason though; I've been uber busy. We're talking two hours of sleep in two and a half days. And lots of sugar. Oh yeah, I love my sugar. Preferably in the form of chemically enhanced "all natural fruit juices". I even resorted to ginger beer, and I hate ginger. And garlic. But who'd make garlic beer? Some vampire fearing alcoholic, that's who. Hello, BB. Give me a bottle of passionfruit juice over it anyday. And that weird health drink from the organic store nearby that's amazingly good.

So, having finished all my important stuff, I went to watch a movie with the family. And surprise surprise, it was Casino Royale. Seriously though, I've been wanting to watch that since I first saw the trailer. And you know, it was actually worth it. I liked this James Bond better than most of the others. Of course, Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan still rank pretty high on my list, but I adore Daniel Craig (his acting, not his looks).

Okay, so maybe I'm biased and my opinion doesn't count, but watch Road To Perdition, and you will see what I mean. Throughout the whole movie I was all, " Damn you Connor Rooney! Die you, die! *sobs into duvet* Damn you! " I have probably never hated a villain the way I hate Connor Rooney. There's that word I rarely use for people - hate. Bottomline, you may not like Daniel Craig for his looks (maybe his body), but the man can act. And don't try to convince me otherwise, because I will clap my hands over my ears and scream the lyrics to Midnight Radio. Speaking of which, that song is like a drug. I've been listening to it on repeat for a very very long time. So long, in fact that I can't remember how long. Random, I know.

You know, I think that Eva Green really is gorgeous. At first, watching the trailer, I thought that Caterina Murino was beautiful, more beautiful than Eva Green. But that was from afar. When I watched the movie, I thought, ' Meh, she's not as good looking as I thought.' But Eva Green has, in my opinion, the kind of good looks that make you look a second time. Then a third. And everytime you look, she seems to get prettier. All those publicity shots for Casino Royale do her no justice. Only by watching the movie will you see what I mean. Her acting was quite good, above average actually. And I love all her outfits. Especially the red dress she wears in the end. Stunning!

The song ' You Know My Name ', the theme to the film is currently stuck in my head. It helps that it's blasting out of my speakers at the moment. But it's catchy, and I like catchy. I'm also ashamed to say that I find Paris Hilton's songs quite likeable as well. However, you won't find me admitting that fact anytime soon. Besides, indie is still much more awesome. Who doesn't love Death Cab For Cutie? Or Stars?

Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you
The odds will betray you
And I will replace you
You can't deny the prize it may never fulfill you
It longs to kill you
Are you willing to die?
The coldest blood runs through my veins
You know my name

I love it!


Here Is A Song

sparkled with broken glass

Being a super emo kid, I cry at just about anything you can think of. My iTunes library contains a whole smorgasbord of songs I bawl my eyes out to regularly. I'm not talking about those cheesy love songs that you hear on the radio all the time though. Like I'd ever be touched by Nick Lachey. Snow Patrol's a different story though. I've loved them since before they became big. Don't tell me that you can listen to Chasing Cars without feeling even a little bit moved.

I could name you hundreds of songs that I love, but I'm afraid that there wouldn't be enough time and space. And besides, I don't think I'd remember all of them without help. My photographic memory seems to have run out of film in the past few years. However, I can tell you the top five songs that I've been listening to in the past week.

Regina Spektor - Samson
Bel Auburn - Metropolitan (Oil)
Kashmir - The Curse of Being A Girl
David Sylvian - Darkest Dreaming
Angels and Airwaves - The Adventure

I'm a bit too lazy and out of time to post the links to their repsective albums, but you should look them up. They're worth it, I swear.


All I Can Say Is That My Life Is Pretty Plain

i like watching the puddles fill with rain

One of my favourite things to do on a rainy day is get a cup of hot chocolate, a good book, some chocolate on chocolate cookies and snuggle up in bed. I also enjoy running around in the rain until my parents have finish yelling at me and forcefully drag me in to have a hot bath.

When my biology teacher found out about the latter, she told me gently but sternly that since the rain nowadays contains a variety of dangerous chemicals that have been released by mostly factories and motor vehicles. To put it simply, I've been playing in acid rain.

It's not like I've never known about acid rain. It just slips my mind everytime it starts to drizzle. I just stop and stare at the rain, marvelling at how it can make the city in front of me dissapear in mere moments. Then, minutes later, I would be doing my own retarded version of a rain dance in the midst of the downpour. This only happens when I haven't just come out of the shower. Otherwise, I would be sitting by the window and enjoying the view.

However, after being warned one too many times by my parents, I've finally decided to take their advice and stop going out in the rain. It helps that we've moved to a condominium now. I'm just too lazy to take the lift down, since it seems to be have made during the stone ages. I kid you not. There is no slower lift than the one found in our condominium.

I hope that someday, we'll have clean rain again. If I ever have children, I want them to be able to run through the rain, never having to worry about anything more than catching a cold. But if all this goes on, I'm afraid that the only way they'll get close to rain is by pressing their hands against their windows, hoping to feel clear drops of pure water run down their fingers. Just like what I'm doing right now.


The Indifference Curve

thanks for being material

I don't know if it's just me, but are the clothes nowadays just getting too darn expensive? Exhibit A; I was looking at some clothes, and found a nice sweater dress. I would have purchased it, had it not been for the price; 200 bucks. What on earth are these clothes made of? What precious material is worth so much? Gold? Gossamer? Moonbeams? Yeah, right. Try a cotton and polyester blend.

Exhibit B; I just heard that an acquaintance of mine, Z, has just purchased a pair of outfits that cost over a thousand bucks each. Or was it the combined cost of both? Nevertheless, don't you think that a thousand bucks is an exorbitant price to pay for clothes that you know you're going to wear once or twice in your life, and then grow out of.
Being a teenage girl myself, I understand why shopping is so addictive. There are times when I'm tempted to grab all the latest designs on the racks and bolt for the cashier. But, unlike most of the girls I know, I actually check the price. Then, I ask myself why I need or want it. If I can come up with a logical explanation (which seldom happens), I'll consider buying it. And even if I do have an excuse to buy it, I feel guilty when I see the price tag. Money doesn't fall from the sky, and my parents are the ones who worked for their money. So, in the end, most of the items I like stay where they were.

Many of my friends come from high society, and their parents earn big bucks. Naturally, the kids have an "obligation" to spend their parents' money. So, they go out and buy whatever their hearts desire. These range from the latest gadgets in the market (boys must have their toys), to outfits from high end clothing lines (shop till you drop). But what I can never understand is, don't they feel even the slightest bit guilty for spending so much of their parents' hard earned money in one swoop?

Judging from the way they shop, I guess not.


If I Could Close My Eyes

everything would be beautiful

I guess it's when big things happen, that we start to value the little things in life more. I've always wondered how people can do such cruel and vile things to others. How can you kill someone, take their life from them, and go on living? Don't you ever think about their family? What they must be feeling? If you were killed, I'm sure your family would grieve for you. Perhaps if we put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we'd be less inclined to do bad things.

But would you kill someone else, to save the life of someone you care deeply about? Especially if the person you loved, had done something very bad? I'd probably say no, but then again. I've never actually been in such a situation. And hopefully I never shall be. Knock on wood. I must admit that I pity those in such a predicament. Imagine having to choose between two things, both very important. In the end, it all comes down to whichever you think is worth more. And that is never a good thing.

Okay, I have no idea why I'm thinking of such gruesome things. Probably because I've just watched a documentary describing a plane hijacking. And it got me thinking even more. Why do people go to such extremes for their religion? I mean, come on, which religion teaches you to do bad things in order to prove your faith? Maybe some really misguided one, but the rest don't, I'm sure. If you really loved your religion, you wouldn't be killing innocent people. It doesn't prove that your religion is better. It just proves that you're an idiot, and if there's a hell, you'll definitely be going to it.


Curious Feeling of Falling

and if you fall, will you get up?

Walking around in the bookstore the other day, I saw a poster that made me squeal with glee, much to the amusement to those passing by. The last book in A Series of Unfortunate Events had finally arrived! It was a bit disappointing that it didn't have a nicer name ( The End ), but still, it was the final book!

I know many people who find the books childish, boring, and even tasteless. My best friend has yet to understand my minor obsession with these books. However, these books have enchanted me, even more so than the Harry Potter books ( the last one was a disappointment! ). They're humourous and witty, laced with dark humour and tragedy. Actually, I find it hard to pinpoint the exact thing that draws me to them.

In the beginning, when the books first came out, I was not attracted to them at all. The covers were beautiful, but I was always buying other books. ( I regret to admit that when I was younger, I actually loved the books in the teenage girl section, and not the good kind either). But somehow, I bought one of the books, and to my surprise and delight, I loved it! Ever since then, I slowly and steadily started collecting these books.

So having purchased the entire series, I obviously intended to complete my collection by buying the last book. However, looking at the price, I nearly cracked my head open on the tiled floor. Though I can't remember the price, I do recall it being way more expensive than the other books. Sighing sadly, I resigned myself to buying less costly books.

Oh, and I just remembered that there's an accompaniment to the series; The Beatrice Letters. I hope to get that book as well, but seeing that the price of books nowadays is sky high, I doubt that'll happen soon. Unless of course, someone decides to buy some early Christmas presents for me. Or, if the price drops. Fat chance of either of these happening, I know. But hey, I can always dream, can't I?

update : I got the book! The Beatrice Letters, I mean. Yay for early Christmas presents! I felt too guilty to get the other book. My parents had to shell out like 80 bucks for one book. I feel like such a spoiled brat now. But hey, I read and love all my books, so no harm done, right? Eep.


Water is the Colour of My Dreams

cold cold water surrounds me now, and all i've got is your hand

One of my greatest fears, is water. When I was little, I loved the water. In fact, I used to beg my parents to take me swimming almost every day. I used to pretend that I was a mermaid, guarding her secret hoard of pearls, flitting about in the water like a fish. Once, I even tried to breathe underwater. Soon after being dragged out of the pool by my screeching parents, I learnt my lesson.

But when I set foot into my tween years, I began to realize that a weird and sudden change had come upon me. I was afraid of the water. Weekly trips to the pool became hours of torture. I refused to set foot into the deep end of the pool, and stuck to the sides of the pool like Velcro. And soon, swimming lessons were a thing of the past.

Ever since then, water has always scared me. Especially deep and dark water. Be it pools, rivers, marshes, swamps, oceans and even bathtubs; I hate them all. And watching documentaries about alligators, crocodiles and sharks on the Discovery Channel hasn't exactly lessened my fear. Everytime I see a river or an ocean, I imagine these creatures lurking below, just waiting to tear apart anything that dares to venture into the water. Creepy. Even thinking about water now scares me. To be honest, some of my scariest nightmares have included nothing more than me and a swimming pool. A deep, dark, bottomless swimming pool that keeps pulling me down. And that is enough encouragement for me to stay awake for at least a few more hours, lest I dream about it again tonight.

Thankfully, I'm not too afraid of water to drink it. If not, I imagine life would be pretty tough to live. I wonder if there's such a thing as H20 supplements? Hah, I wish.

This Is How It's Done

Third time's the charm, right?